Disclaimer: Jets Tailspin is a satire column.

In what Tajikistani government officials called a frankly confusing act of geopolitics, Ambassadors’ Club member Joseph Seo Chambless arrived at the Korean Embassy in Dushanbe after misinterpreting the club’s name and directive.

“I mean, they call it ‘Ambassadors’ Club’, right? In Model UN I learned that ambassadors work at embassies. So I Googled it, chose the country with the funniest name, and booked the next flight out,” Chambless said. “My mom says I’m very good at taking initiative.”

Nobody in the Ambassadors’ lunch club noticed Chambless’s absence until the following Monday when attendance was taken prior to an event. In the group chat, he wrote, “Yo guys, am I late? The embassy guards won’t let me in and I think everyone’s speaking Russian.”

Alvin Park, a fellow member of Chambless’s lunch club, seemed confused about his absence, “Weird mistake to make. I don’t get it. But if it was me, I would’ve gone to Colombia. I love their arepas. I’m just saying.”

He appeared at the embassy and responded to every diplomat and trade minister with a firm handshake, a hearty smile, and an uncomfortable amount of eye contact. He reportedly even gave unauthorized tours around the embassy for hours before the staff stopped him. At one point, officials even thought that he was committing espionage.

“He was cheerful, polite, and mildly suspicious,” Khursandjon Usmonzoda, Tajikistani diplomat, said. “If he was a spy, he’s either really good, or really bad.”

The advisor of Ambassadors’ Club Mrs. Jolly brainstormed ideas to get Chambless on a flight back to Korea. “We don’t have enough Bake Sale money to bring him back,” she said. “We’re saving that for some new tablecloths.”

Fortunately, embassy officials pooled together enough frequent flyer miles to get him on the next flight to Incheon. Chambless reportedly wept on the flight. “I just miss my turtle so much, man,” he said. “Oh, and my parents too, I guess.”

He returned the week after his departure from Korea, welcomed with open arms by his family. “It was a really eye opening experience, seeing and being part of a different culture. I think everyone should do this.” He admitted. “I wanna do it again. I think we should go as a club next time.”

Ambassadors’ Club President Ryan Chae quickly shot down the idea. “No, we aren’t doing that. We guide parents and guests around the school, not diplomats through embassies. The only foreign policy we handle is the snack table at admissions tours.”

A new rule appeared in the Google slideshow at the next meeting of the lunch club: Ambassadors’ is metaphor, not a mission.