Disclaimer: Jets Tailspin is a satire column.

The middle and high school Rock Paper Scissors teams flew to Jeju for their first-ever tournament involving Busan Foreign School (BFS), Korea International School Jeju (KIS), Fayston Preparatory School (FPS) and St. Johnsbury Academy (SJA) on Sept. 19-20. The high school boys team won silver and middle school girls claimed gold.

In order to make the cut at RPS, an experienced coach must take the lead. “They used to call me ‘The Blade’ in high school because I always threw scissors,” Coach Amanda Ringrose said.

An emphatic supporter of the sport, Coach Ringrose cheered for its inclusion in the school’s repertoire. Athletic Director Mr. Bergan wasn’t convinced at first but soon capitulated that this could come to fruition. “I thought it was a terrible idea when I heard it,” Bergan said. “But the more I thought – it suddenly hit me like a rock – we have to include this.”

In the first game of the middle school tournament, a pool bracket, players suffered one of the most grueling rounds in DIS sport history. They lost most of their players due to elimination in the first round. The second round knocked them back with a total loss, dampening spirits right off the bat.

Middle school RPS-er Ester Choi sighed from the bench. “The game was rigged. Those refs had it out for me. I threw paper way before the kid from SJA. Then they made us throw again and of course she got rock and I got scissors,” Choi said.

The high school squad didn’t fare much better, with a loss in the semifinals. Varsity player Thomas “Paper Thin” Kim said, “Seriously, there was no sportsmanship [in the game].” Kim said. “I’m usually a paper boy, but I changed my strategy and threw rock. But the referee called me ‘pebble brain’ and I lost my focus.”

With morale at an all time low, Coach Ringrose encouraged the students to stand up one  last time. The second game commenced with DIS, and their limited roster, at a disadvantage. Though the Jets got a red card for taunting the ref, they turned things around with a major upset after an absolute knockout by MVP tenth grader Jason Kim. Though the fight proved arduous, the Jets pulled through with a 18-4 win.

Rookie middle school starter Eddie “The Rock” Kim sweated hard at the tourney. “ We both threw rock 3 times in a row. I channeled my pet rock during that stretch. He spoke to me.” The middle school boys fell short of the podium.

In the home stretch, the middle school girls, down to their last player, snagged a win to get first place. Across the gym, the high school boys threw rock 43 times in a row, a Hail Mary that worked out for Coach Ringrose, as they finished strong in second.

Coach Ringrose said, “I think we had a great season. Rock Paper Scissors isn’t just a game. It’s a lifestyle. I lost friends and family due to my dedication. We will be back next year and take more medals back to Daegu.”