Disclaimer: Jets Tailspin is a satire column.

DAEGU, KR – Breaking down after dancing to the newest TikTok trend for some cheap laughs, sophomore class clown Noah Don Hwang confessed that he feels lonely even surrounded by people. “I always thought I could escape my father’s crushing disapproval through my nonchalant visage,” Hwang muttered, “But, in the end, I have to face the fact that I’m just an insecure loser.”

Yujun Piao, childhood friend of Hwang, attested: “Sometimes he’ll say something funny, and we’ll all laugh, but then he looks off into the distance, like he’s pondering the futility of existence. It’s quite profound, really. But then he falls over a chair, and the moment passes.” 

When pressed, Hwang attempted to lighten the mood with a joke he clearly memorized from Instagram. “I’ve spent so much time perfecting my ironic self-deprecation that I had no time for studying. I still don’t know if Australia’s a continent or not,” said Hwang. 

Hwang was last seen sulking in a corridor before spotting the cameraman and executing a well-practiced pratfall.